Relationships Don’t Come With “Easy” Buttons   Leave a comment

I am a part of several groups on Facebook that discuss various topics from sex to relationships and everything in between.  Sometimes the discussions can get intense while other times they are just everyday things. 

                Saturday in one of my groups, Relationship Talk created by my friend Nicola, she posted a rather interesting topic which I would like to discuss here. 

                She had been talking to her best guy friend and he said that men think that they don’t have to work as hard for a marriage that they do for a girlfriend and wanted to know if this was a true statement or not. 

                My response was immediate.  I see this as a problem in our country period.  Why do you think that the divorce rate is over 50%?  Do people think that relationships come easy?  What I said to her was “therein lies the problem.  The same hard work you put into getting a relationship is the same hard work you must put in it to keep it.  Just because you put a ring on it doesn’t mean that the work is over and your job is done, it’s just the beginning.”

                My own marriage of 16 years ended because we both stopped working to maintain it.  It seems that several of us think that a relationship is always going to be 50/50 and that is not the case.  Some days it can be 60/40, 80/20, 75/25 it just depends on what a person’s needs are that day.  Too many times people want things handed to them or made easy for them to get.  Let’s face it folks, relationships aren’t easy because they aren’t meant to be easy.  They are work and lots of it. 

                It’s not just men who may think this way, ladies do too.  How many times have you heard men say “she really let herself go since she got married…”?  It’s not a matter of having “let herself go” though it’s that her priorities may have shifted from her being the focus to someone else, but that doesn’t make it right.  The same thing applies to the fellas.  Don’t let yourself go simply because you got your girl!

                The same thing you did to get that man or woman is the same thing you need to do to keep that man or woman.  If you wore nice clothes, stayed in shape, kept your hair done, etc., then keep doing that once you get into a relationship.  Don’t let things like that go by the wayside.  It’s not being shallow either.  This is the person you fell in love with, continue to be that person. 

                Now don’t get me wrong, people change as they age.  They mature and become a little wiser (we hope) and you can either grow together as a couple or you grow apart, it’s been known to happen.  Sure you may gain a little weight after the babies, but try to get it back off.  I’m guilty of this myself.  I actually lost weight during my pregnancies and put it back on because of depression (post-partum and just plain old depression).  While that’s really not a good excuse, it’s what happened.  When I asked him if my weight had anything to do with it he said it wasn’t because he didn’t care about all that.  Some men do and others don’t.  It really depends on the person.

                There is no “easy” button for relationships just like there is no “easy” button for life.  Relationships take work, daily.  The same enthusiasm you have for the chase should be the same enthusiasm you have once you catch him/her.  Think of your relationship as ever changing, because it is, and always see the person you are with as the one you are trying to get (and keep) because if you take on the stance of once you put a ring on it that the work is over, you will end up by yourself, like I did.

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Posted January 10, 2012 by doublee42 in Things I see

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