Can Men and Women Be Friends Without Sex?   1 comment

            I met my best friend when we were both in the sixth grade.  Not sure why we struck up a friendship but we did and it has lasted for over 30 years. 

            We have been through a lot together.  Through every new relationship, every failed relationship and every other relationship in between; every tear shed, advice given taken and ignored; marriages and even one brutal divorce, my best friend has always been there for me with a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.  Even when I discovered a pair of scissors and cut off all of my hair into one of those horrendous asymmetrical hair cuts that were so “rad” in the 80’s my best friend was there through it all, even if my mother almost passed out because I had been growing my hair since I was in elementary school and it was down my back.  Even when I was going into labor with my first child, my best friend was the only person I would allow to touch my stomach outside of a doctor.

            We have gone years without speaking to one another or even seeing one another but we were never more than a single phone call away.  Once we do get in contact with one another it’s like we never skipped a beat and all the time that has passed melts away into nothing and we pick up right where we left off the last time we spoke.  Laughing, joking, catching up, getting the low down and the skinny on things that have been going on with us since the last time we talked.  Being on the phone for hours is nothing for us.  We once had a phone conversation that lasted for a solid four (4) hours and we both fell asleep on the phone, but that was in high school.  We have several phone calls like that but now it’s until someone’s phone dies. 

            I remember for my 21st birthday we got so drunk off of Hennessey and beer it was ridiculous.  We passed out on my bed with one of us was at the foot of the bed and the other at the head and even though I was tore up, I remember my mother coming to check on us to make sure we were ok, like she often did by slowly opening the door and sticking her head in just to check and listen for breathing then easing back out as if she hadn’t been there.

            My best friend is probably the only person I can call at some unheard of hour and no matter what is going on will drop everything to talk.  When our former high school classmate was killed in a car accident I called at 2 o’clock in the morning and cried over the phone.  When my now ex-husband’s girlfriend called me to tell me all of what had been going on, my best friend is the first person that I thought of to call because things would always be ok if I could just talk to my best friend. 

            While this story sounds typical of any best friend, because it is, this is what best friends do for one another, my best friend is different. 

            My best friend is a man.

No, he is not gay or on the down low (DL).  He is married and he has children.  While I understand in this day that may not mean anything but trust me when I tell you, he is not gay and he has never been gay.

I have been asked that question so many times that it leads me to ask this question, why do people think that if a man has a female as a best friend that he is either gay or they are sleeping together or have slept together?  Why can’t a man and a woman be the best of friends with the most intimate thing ever shared between the two of them is a peck on the cheek or a simple hug, and people not think that he is gay?

Between the two of us we have had several short term and long term relationships (both married but I am now divorced) and every woman he has ever been with knows of my existence and every man I’ve ever been with knows of his.  It took my now ex-husband four years after we were married to meet him!  Due to prior engagements my best friend was not able to attend my wedding and because life happened he was never able to meet him until that time.  I didn’t attend his wedding because his wife probably would have had a massive hissy fit.  She doesn’t like me even though we went to high school together (she is a year behind us) and he and I were friends long before they started dating. 

So Double E world readers, why do people think that men and women can’t be friends without sex being involved?  What insecurities does one have to have that makes them get fighting mad about a relationship that happened long before they came on the scene?  Do you believe that men and women can be friends without ever having slept together?

I know I do.  I’m living proof that it can happen.

Double E


Posted January 13, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

One response to “Can Men and Women Be Friends Without Sex?

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  1. Again, I could have written this. what is a best friend. I have several friends, good friends that I speak to about a lot of things. But my conversations with him is so different, its funny. He was my former supervisor/ manager and i neva met him before he met his wife or before i met my significant other but he is the only person i think i can go to and be totally honest about all my actions, all my thoughts and while he may not agreed there will be no judgment. He is the only person that when I got pregnant ask me how I got pregnant and expected a detail explanation of the process. dwl.

    it feel nice to have a man care for me without wanting anything in return, and wanting the best for me at all can men and women be just friends? Yes, the best of friends.

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