I’m Independent. It doesn’t mean I need a man but I wouldn’t mind having one   7 comments

Webster’s defines independent as “not requiring or relying on something else; not looking to others for one’s opinions or for guidance in conduct; not requiring or relying on others.”  I am independent and I am also a woman.  Does that mean that I don’t want a man?  Of course it doesn’t.  There is a difference between a need and a want.  Webster goes on to define a need as “a necessity” and a want as “having a strong desire for”.  Desperate women, and yes they are out there, “need” a man because they fear being alone; Independent women, who know who they are and what they want out of life, don’t need a man but it doesn’t mean that they don’t want one. 

I’m not desperate by any stretch of the imagination.  Sure there are women out there who fear being alone but I’m not one of them.  I actually like my alone time because it allows me to hear my own thoughts and to figure things out for myself.  I refuse to settle for just anyone to simply say “I got a man”.  That doesn’t even sound right in my head let alone coming out my mouth and transferring it into words on a computer.  To me desperate makes you make the wrong decision and to pick someone who isn’t the one meant for you.  At one point in my life I was desperate (but this is a topic best saved for my book!), but I wasn’t aware of that fact until I had been in my 16 year self-induced coma and I woke up; and wouldn’t you know?  I had been married to the wrong man all those years!  That’s what happens when you are desperate you waste a lot of time on the wrong things.  You can’t think with a clear head when the only thing you hear in your head is “I need a man, I need a man” like it’s some kind of mantra that your subconscious made up and somehow seeped into your consciousness.

The other issue, of course is the “I’m an independent woman, don’t need a man”.  Well, you’re right I don’t need one, I would like to have one (want) but I don’t need anyone.  See there is a distinct difference in needing something and wanting something.  I know your mom has told you this a gazillion times while growing up, just because you want something doesn’t mean you need it.  We need to breathe because we have to it’s not “I want to breathe because it’s just something I do.”  

I was once told that because I’m so independent and that I know how to do a lot of things for myself, I leave very little for a man to do in my life.  I had to laugh at this because even though it was true, it’s funny.  Given the fact that I grew up with my mother, who showed me how to do a lot of things for myself, I am also a former Mil-Spouse (Military Spouse) and if you have ever been one you know that as soon as they leave TDY, go to the field or leave for any extended period of time, that shit invariably breaks down, falls apart or dies and the only one around to do something is you.  It breeds self sufficiency.  I know women who can change the engine out in their cars, do a tune up and change a tire because her husband was gone and she didn’t have the funds to take it to a mechanic. 

I am that woman.  I may not be able to change the engine out in my car but I can change the tire, do an oil change (I just choose not to), replace a garbage disposal and a whole host of other things simply because I had to and because I wanted to learn how.  I’m not the one to sit around waiting for someone to do something for me when I can do it myself.  This is why when I owned my house I refused to pay someone to do the yard work for me.  I have been cutting grass since I was in my early teens, I know what a hedge clipper is, a lawnmower, lawn edger and a weed whacker is and I know how to use them all. Oh and that leaf blower/vacuum?  That was mine too.  So explain to me again why I need to pay you $50 to just cut my grass, yes exactly. 

Now if I ask and the person doesn’t do it within a reasonable amount of time (ok like yesterday for me because I’m impatient like that) then I will either find someone else to do it or I’ll do it myself.  If I don’t know how to do it, guess what?  I can read and I comprehend very well so I will figure out how to do it.  Nothing is so difficult that I can’t figure it out.  I mean I did put in the garbage disposal, strip wall paper, repair dry wall, use a sander, a circular saw, learned how to lay wood flooring and peel and stick tile.  If this sounds like bragging, it’s because that’s exactly what it is.  I learned how to do all those things because I didn’t have anyone around to teach me so I learned how to do it. 

So do I actually need a man?  Of course I don’t.  Do I want one?  Sure I would love to have one because sometimes it’s pretty cool to share these things with another person who likes doing them too; but because I’m single and independent it doesn’t mean I’m so desperate that I’m going to settle for just any ole’ thing that comes along. 

Double E


Posted January 19, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

7 responses to “I’m Independent. It doesn’t mean I need a man but I wouldn’t mind having one

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  2. you are fairly self sufficient, thats a given, anyone who knows you can see that. its clear you dont NEED anyone else but……………… think on this, the 2 most common reasons people not just get together but stay together is because the other person does something for them that they cant do for them self or they share a complete trust. that is the base root behind a majority of successful marriages, it makes each side dependent on the other. (a little deeper into psychology here) every person has vulnerabilities, those that are hidden from those around us but are comforted by that one person we choose to be with, that one person that makes us feel needed and wanted at the same time.
    self sufficient people portray they need no one and that drives away most potential mates, so what is it you can offer to that special someone to draw them in and feel comfortable enough to not only show you their vulnerability but comfort your own?

    just something to think on….

  3. Liz, i can do a damn thing…i cant repair anything..and i am even afraid of plugging in electrical items. but guess what i can pay someone to do it, so a man better be taking something more that the ability to do stuff to our relationship. However the discussion is still out as to whether sex is a secondary need..but again u dont need a man to have sex you can have it with yourself..so i guess you are correct. I sure do want a man, but i really dont need one.

    • I hear you. The bottom line is that no one needs another person to define who they are. This occluded men and women. As Drue said, it’s nice to be needed and wanted but you don’t need someone to tell you who you are

  4. Well said!!!!

    Alicia Nichole Black-Mackey

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