What is your definition of a Home wrecker Part II   12 comments

In my last blog I discussed what my definition of a home wrecker was and said I would come back and discuss the second half of the two-part question that sparked this blog. In case you didn’t read it, here is the second part of the question: if the relationship foundation is strong, how can someone be a home wrecker? My response (more or less): it doesn’t matter how strong someone’s relationship foundation is, if someone is going to be tempted and enticed, and they want to cheat they will cheat.

Now the second part of this question sounds as though someone is trying to justify cheating with someone they know is married or in an otherwise committed relationship. There is no justification. While every person has the propensity to cheat, there are several that make the conscious decision to not do so as there are several who make the choice to cheat when the opportunity presents itself.

So as someone pointed out in the last blog in the comment section, the person who steps out and the person who knowingly cheats with this person are both home wreckers. So either way, the person who does the cheating is wrecking their own home period; now on to the second part of the question.

I’m a firm believer in the fact that if you cheat it’s because you want to cheat. Nothing is so broken in a marriage or committed relationship that can’t be fixed. The question becomes are you willing to fix it or do you find it easier to walk away from the situation and move on? If you aren’t willing to communicate and LISTEN to your partner and follow through with what was discussed there is no point in going on.

The foundation of any relationship is trust and without it you have nothing. You trust this person with one of your most prized possessions, your heart. It’s a fragile thing and it only hardens when you mistakenly keep giving it to the wrong person to take care of. This is where bitter people come from. So if you give your heart to someone and your trust is unwavering don’t you think it plausible that no one should be able to break that foundation into a million pieces? Not necessarily true. Why? We are human.

On the flip side, because we are human we should also be able to resist the urges and the temptations because temptation has been around since humans have been in existence. I think that if there were no one out there willing to cheat then we wouldn’t have a bunch of folks cheating. But that’s in a world that doesn’t exist because they are out there and so it’s up to the person in the committed relationship to not give in to that temptation.

Relationships are challenged daily so it doesn’t matter how strong your foundation is, the people that make up the foundation are the ones that shouldn’t be wavering no matter how tempted they may be.  If something is missing from your relationship then you need to figure out what that something is and talk to your partner about it to see if you can come to some type of compromise.  Stepping out to find it on the other side of the fence where you think the grass is greener isn’t the solution at all.  I often say that the grass is greener on the other side because it’s full of more shit than yours.  If you took the time to tend to your own grass it could be just as, if not more, green than someone else’s.  Tyler Perry summed it up nicely in his movie “Why Did I Get Married” when the men were discussing the 80/20 rule.  Don’t know what that is?  Well in a nutshell you are getting 80% of what you need in your marriage so you step out and find that person that is only giving you 20% of what you need.  In doing so, you destroy your marriage for that 20%.  It’s only after you realize that you’re only getting 20% of what you need in your new relationship that you start missing that 80% you had; by then, it’s too late because that 80% has moved on to someone else who appreciates them.

Any foundation can have chips in it, but it’s up to the people to fix that foundation and keep it strong and above all else, resist the temptations that are out there, because they are out there and they are everywhere.  Trust is the foundation of any relationship and communication is the key.  Don’t leave your partner out there hanging with no idea what’s going on and not give them the opportunity to fix what is broken.  However, if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat and it doesn’t matter how strong of a foundation they have.

Double E

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Posted January 23, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

12 responses to “What is your definition of a Home wrecker Part II

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  1. hey sis this one is so easy nobody has the potential of breaking up a home unless that person that in violation is his or her own home……so many woman blame the other womann but the fact of the matter a strangeer cares nothing abt your feelings….well in a perfect worse and we all no that this world we live in is far from that….betty wright made a song title he is cheating on us…the reason i love this song is becuz so few ppl keep it real when you just need to tell the truth abt things…usually the other person dont even know abt u because he spending time with her and giving his woman doubts…and there are things thats giving the other woman doubts…so the truth of the matter he cheating on both…marriage is a longterm committment and not built for everyone but ppl do it for thewrong reason…now let clearly discuss homewrecker when he leaves very few leave….do to the fact so many woman dont know there worth and stay regardless…but what makes it a happy home now a days becuz u share builds …the last i checked thats sometimes just shacking up….adultry no matter who you lie to thats the only cheating god recognizes but we do expect respect….most time woman will bash the other woman and still lay nx to that man and praise him im all for forgiving but not stupidity ….so ending this nobody is in control of splitting a home up but you

    • I agree, but that’s why I said knowingly chests because if they don’t know they are a victim of the cheater. The moment they find out they need to get out because of they don’t they are a home wrecker. Regardless the person in the marriage that cheats is ALWAYS going to be the home wrecker. I don’t believe in stepping to the other person in the end because I’m not with them. But I must say, i am very familiar with the song you speak of…loves me some Betty because she kept it REAL REAL!! Thanks for sharing!!

  2. honesty and communication, the only answer to a strong relationship. just remember, keeping even one secrete can lead the demise of your relationship.
    dont believe that? think … what harm can come from one little secrete? omitting some little thing to make things go smoother, just a little easier at that time? ever heard of the snow ball effect? how about malicious intent? I know everyone has heard of blackmail!!! I know many people who will take the smallest detail about a person and try to hold it over their heads to manipulate them into doing what they want. lets take an example….. you go to the store and bump into your old boyfriend who you never really got over, you go home and dont know how to bring it up so you elect to not mention it…. well, the girl down the block that you dont like but is always chatting with your man was also at the store and saw the awkward encounter. she sees him a few days later and, in passing, mentions the store trip putting things as she saw them… (intentionally misleading him) she saw you bump into a man at the grocery store and the sexual tension is undeniable but to many people were around for discretion. that simple little statement on what was actually an innocent little encounter becomes doubt in his mind and fosters dissension. at minimal it will be a fight later on, I mean, if it was innocent as you portray, why not tell him? why try to hide it? why the anger when its brought to you now? ….. trust has been eroded even if it does calm down, seeds of dissension have been planted and will grow in time. possibility of a cheating partner are in the making all because of one little omission.
    honesty and trust are the foundation building blocks of any lasting relationship. honesty breeds trust which encourages more honesty which reinforces trust which breeds emotional security which creates a safe zone for the honesty that splays open your emotional being.

    • Sometimes people think that if nothing happened then it was all innocent and need not be mentioned. The chick all up I’m your relationship is wrong for even mentioning it because she has an ulterior motive, she wants your man. That is what I’m talking about because it’s women and men like her that do sneak tip shit that brings on doubt. I would have mentioned it to my spouse but even if hadn’t because nothing happened the grocery stripe chick was wrong

      • yes, she would be wrong, but……. it happens all the time and a simple omission could lead to the downfall of the foundation a relationship is based off of. if he already knew of it, she wouldnt have had any effect on him and in fact, would have shown herself as in the wrong in his eyes trying to mislead him. him already knowing about it most likely would make him doubt everything she says from that point on and even double think past so called information she gave him. so with honesty, it is possible to disarm infidels attempting to break your foundation. its all up to the couple.

      • This is true but he shouldn’t be entertaining her anyway

  3. I personally am married, I have male and female friends, I shovel snow and do yard work, I am outside and deal with all kinds of people on a daily basis. neighbors come around and talk just because someone is there. talking to them doesnt mean I am entertaining them in any way, its completely innocent conversation and its too easy for someone to slip in something like that example up there in innocent conversations.
    my point…… only you can make the cracks in your foundation. only your dishonesty (yes, intentionally omitting things is dishonesty) can give other successful wedges to put into those cracks.

    • This is true and point taken. So communication,, item and honest, no matter how small a detail is necessary. So when is too much information much?

      • too much information only comes into play when they arnt really interested in you. when they are after something other than you forever. fore instance…. your money, a place to live, a means to get out of their old relationship, whats in your pants…. etc……
        as long as its give and take (give and take doesnt mean you give and they take……), all will work out for the best with honesty….

      • So with a significant other there is no such thing as too much information?

  4. exactly! honesty only strengthens the bond

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