Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you can’t help around the house!   4 comments

Here is a topic that is near and dear to my heart as I’m sure it is with a lot of my married female readers because it was suggested by one of them.  I won’t throw out her real name but let’s just call her Wanda (she knows who she is).  Thank you for the topic!

Back in the day, before the women’s lib movement and the burning of the bras, women’s traditional role was to cook, clean, care for the house, the kids and her husband.  That was all well and good because she didn’t work outside the home but she also wasn’t sitting on the couch eating bon-bons watching As the World Turns (Phil, Phil, can you hear me Phil-famous line from Phyllis Diller…still cracks me up, sorry had to go back for a moment) all day long either.  Keeping a house is another job in and of itself.  Anyone who has small children or even darn near grown children living at home can tell you that it’s not easy because as soon as you get a spot clean and move on to another spot, the kids find it their personal duty and seem to be sworn to some secret cult sect that says they must mess it up.  I have no idea how they move so quickly but they do.  Blink and it’s like you haven’t touched the place!  This is hard work, if done properly. 

A father’s traditional role was to be the breadwinner of the family.  He worked hard all day long to provide and “bring home the bacon”.  He did yard work and fixed things that needed to be fixed around the house, including the car.  His only “role” on the inside of the house may have been to take out the garbage. 

Simple enough right?  Of course, everyone knew what their roles were and no one seemed to have a problem with it.  Mom did “mom stuff” and dad did “dad stuff” and the world was at peace and everyone got along. 

Flashing forward to today and these roles have been so scrambled up that it’s almost impossible to figure out who is supposed to be doing what, or is it?  In some households the woman is the primary breadwinner and the men may stay at home and take care of the kids and the house.  That’s a fair assessment right?  I think so, but what about the households where both parents work?

Now here comes the rub.  Why are women, who work outside the home, expected to still play the traditional role of being the chef, chauffer, rear the kids and still jump in the sack and be expected to throw down and swing from the light fixture in the bedroom?  Is that possible, I’m sure it is but is it fair?  In my humble opinion it is not.  When women work outside the home I don’t believe she should be expected to do it all by herself, but then you wonder why she may be too tired to have sex?

Think about it guys, you work every day sometimes more than 40 hrs. a week and that’s hard right?  Yes, it is, but imagine having to work that same 40 plus hrs., then having to come home, cook, clean, make sure the kids have been taken care of (homework, baths, etc.) and then you want me to do what?!?  Can you take out the trash?  Vacuum a carpet?  Thrown in a load of laundry?  Fold up some clothes?  Put them away? Help the kids with their homework, something,
to take the load off?

When I was married I was a stay at home mother for the first two years of my two younger kids’ lives.  I had no problem cooking, cleaning and doing the duties that I was “expected” to do but you know what else I did?  I did yard work because my ex didn’t like doing it and didn’t want to do it, but more often than not he was gone anyway playing some sport.  Now if you are wondering about him being military, don’t because we took turns cutting the grass with other building members in Germany and then we had our own townhouse in Japan and I did the yard work there too and when we moved to VA and got a house, I can honestly say he cut the grass ONE damn time the entire time because the rest of the time me and the kids did it and if something needed to be fixed, I had to pay someone to fix it in the house or try to fix it myself.  It took me a damn near $500 water bill to get him to fix the damn toilet upstairs so it wouldn’t run all the time! (Sidebar:  I had to pay that water bill.  Sidebar: over). 

He and I used to get into arguments about it until I just went on strike.  I refused to work a full day and come home clean the house, cook and on the weekends do the damn yard work and then he wanted me to do what with him at night?  Um, no, I was tired.  This is why my marriage ended because I wouldn’t have sex with him.  That’s ONE reason I wouldn’t but others will be revealed later.

Was I wrong for that?  Sure was, but in my defense, like I said I was tired.  I’m also not a robot.  

So how fair is it that a woman is expected to work all day and then come home and cook and do all the other things that are the “traditional” roles when she isn’t getting any help from her significant other?  We are human and if all we want you to do is take out the garbage and cut the grass, I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch to do it.  We need help and any little way you can do it, we sure would appreciate more than you know.

 

Double E

 

 

 

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Posted January 25, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

4 responses to “Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you can’t help around the house!

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  1. SMH, all I can say is there are some lazy ass people out there. simply put, there are 2 main jobs in life, bring in the money and manage the household (that includes raising the children). the hours and effort involved in each portion are not equal, never have been so all involved in the household need to pitch in where ever needed. if that means both he and she go off to work to make the money, than so be it, but that also means that managing the household needs to be shared also. what most dont realize is that having your own place to live isnt just a 40 hr job than you can live your life.. you have 40 hrs of work and a minimal of 10 hrs cleaning, 10 hrs of outside work, at least 5 hours cooking and a few hours on the car… plus children….. children.. simply put.. children you get back what you put into them…. so the more time you spend teaching them the better off they will be in the long run.
    back in the day when one family could live comfortably off of only him going to work, mom spent her cleaning and cooking times than devoted the rest of her time to the children, why do you think the children came out so well rounded and had moral values……. thanks mom! dad came home from work, relaxed for a short time than, if he was a good dad, spent time with his children and taught them what he was supposed to just like mom did her share. the joint effort covered all parts of the 2 jobs.
    as womans lib came around the designated roles that worked so well for so many decades altered creating a vacuum in the 2 jobs ….. a snow ball effect came into play…. but the majority of that is for another topic.
    so in answer to your question of “Why are women, who work outside the home, expected to still play the traditional role of being the chef, chauffer, rear the kids and still jump in the sack and be expected to throw down and swing from the light fixture in the bedroom?” there are multiple possibilities to answer this, the most probable are, 1)your living outside your means so need the extra income creating more work for the couple to raise a family, 2)because the man you are with wasnt raised with the values needed to fill in where you working makes the void in your relatioinship… or 3)neither of you are ready for the real world, the two of you lack the communication skills to work as a cohesive unit and, as it was put in a nice little poster passing around facebook…. “you have a bad case of ‘Being a little Bitch’ and need a heavy dose of ‘Man the FUCK UP'”

    • This it’s true on both accounts but since a woman’s role has changed dramatically a little help isn’t too much to ask for. Unfortunately, some men think that when a woman looks for a man to take care of her she is a gold digger. I have no clue how that term came to be but it’s not a flattering one and it isn’t fair. I would like to stay home and take care of my house but I can’t and I didn’t when I was married. I did EVERYTHING. I was tired.

  2. AGAIN A COMMON SENSE ME AND MY GIRL WAS JUST TALKING ABT THIS THEY SAY I WASNT NEVER GTTING MARRIED CUZ I SAID AINT NO MAN OF MINE GOING TO LAY ON THE COUCH AND GET FAT…I WASH THE CLOTHES U DRY…MEN WANT THINGS TO B EQUAL NOW THEY WANT WOMAN TO GO TO WORK SPLIT HALF THE BILLS AND STILL DO ALL THE HOUSE WORK…CAN I SAY NOT NEVA LOL….I WAS NEVER A SLAVE AND DONT KNOW ANY I BELIEVE IN CATER TO MY MAN REAL TALK …BUT SOME PEOPLE GO BEYOND I WAS OUT WITH A FRIEND WE ALL AT THE TABLE SHE CUT UP HIS FOOOD LIKE A LITTLE BABY THAN KEPT PUSHING IT BK ON PLATE AS IT SLID OFF…I WANTD TO SAY BITCH DAMN UR FOOD ABT TO GET COLD REALLY…MOST OF MY GIRLS MEN ARE OVER WAIT CUZ THEY WONT ALLOW THEM TO DO SHIT….

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