Why are people who don’t have kids always the first to tell you how to raise them?   8 comments

Is there anyone old enough to remember Dr. Spock and his “breakthrough” book on child rearing?  If you aren’t be glad he was an idiot.  If, however, you were unfortunate enough to be raised by a parent who read this garbage, I’m sorry. There are all these “experts” out here on child rearing and the total amount of experience combined with raising one is tantamount to the letter “e” found on the very last page of the very last sentence in the very last text book they read in college.  They have only ever observed these creatures behind two way mirrors (maybe) and have never actually taken one home with them for any extended period of

Hold on though, I’m not talking about these “experts” I’m talking about your every day Joe and Jane Blow schmuck out on the street (and this could also refer to any relative who doesn’t have children of their own) that give you these disapproving looks when you have a child screaming at the top of their lungs in the grocery store because you swatted them on the behind for practically destroying an entire aisle as you walked down it or because you told them ‘no, you can’t have that’ and the child defiantly insisted on throwing it in the cart anyway and when you took it out they did it again.  What would you have the parent do?  Allow the child to destroy the place without saying a single word?  Of course you wouldn’t because then you’d still be giving the parent that exact same disapproving look if they did.

Bratty Kid

True story (told you, I have a million of these things), when I was a young adult, 19 or 20 years old, I was in the mall (cringes) looking at some earrings on one of those spinning racks.  I noticed a mother and her son.  She was standing on the other side and the little boy was standing next to me “looking” at another rack.  I look out the corner of my eye and this kid is literally revving up the rack with all this jewelry on it and then he slings it and earrings and things go flying everywhere.  You know what his mother’s response to this was?  “Now stop that!”  She didn’t discipline him, she didn’t make him pick up a single earring and she damn sure didn’t pick up a single one either.  Shocked as I was, I just shook my head and chuckled and moved on thinking to myself ‘had this been my kid I would have tagged that ass and she would have picked up EVERY single earring that was on the floor and put it back on the shelf before she left the store”.  By the way, I did have a child at that time and even though I did I was a “new” parent and I had yet to experience all the joys (using the term loosely here folks because while there are joys there are just as many pains in raising children) of being a parent.

Now imagine that times three.  Better yet, imagine that with a single child that may have special needs or add a child to that mix who doesn’t have special needs.  Children are rambunctious by nature.  They are little bundles of energy from the moment they wake up at some ungodly hour like 5 or 6 a.m. until they either collapse at 8pm or you have to force them to go to bed.  It’s like they think they are going to miss something if they close their eyes for too long.  (Sidebar:  Kids, please go to sleep when your parents ask.  When you get to be my age you will wish you could go back and get all those wasted hours of not sleeping you did as a child.  Sidebar:  over).

Why do people who don’t have children, never kept a child for more than a few hours or their kids grow up and they are all in the penal system always the first to attempt to give you advice on how to raise them?  Clearly you have never had one, raised one or if you did you failed at it epically.  Before everyone starts screaming bloody murder at me about the one in the penal system, I was dead serious.  Kicking some tail and taking names when they get out of line never hurt anyone and clearly in a lot of cases that is what was needed.  Teaching your kids how to make better decisions and to think of the long term instead of the right now should be a number one priority, as is everything else a number 1 priority.  So if you are a parent that is in and out of jail or they have a parent that they are aware of that is in and out of jail, I’m going to need you to get your shit together. I say that because your children are watching.

As a young parent, I took advice from my mother, my ex mother-in-law and my grandmother.  I refuse to take advice from someone who has never had a child let alone raised one; keeping your niece or nephew for a weekend or a few hours doesn’t cut it either.  Even people who have kids, who haven’t finished raising them, can’t even begin to tell me how to raise my own.  I ran into that last problem when I had already had my oldest and my middle one was about a year old.  The “advice” came from my ex’s family members who just flat out told me “you have no idea what you’re doing and you need to take parenting classes.”  I was so pissed off it was unreal.  Needless to say it went over like a lead balloon and even if I do say so myself, my kids are fine and well behaved in public and very intelligent so apparently I did know what I was doing and I did do something right, thanks.

The point I’m trying to make in all of this is this, for those of you who do not have kids, don’t want kids and have never taken on the responsibility of shaping and molding someone else’s life, please keep your “advice” to yourself.  I, for one, don’t want it because you have no experience in the field whereas I have over 23 yrs. of it, I doubt you can tell me anything I already don’t know.

Double E

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Posted January 26, 2012 by doublee42 in Things I see

8 responses to “Why are people who don’t have kids always the first to tell you how to raise them?

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  1. Amen!!! Amen!!! AAAAAMEN!!!! Pass the offering plate!!!! Sistergurl, you preached!!!!

    Alicia Nichole Black-Mackey
  2. I am one of those people that don’t have children or have only kept other kids for a few hours (or a weekend) at a time. I understand seasoned parents don’t want advice from people like me, especially because I’m young.

    On the flip side, I do believe it takes a village – doesn’t mean a particular villager doesn’t know anything about child-rearing either (no one does because even older children manage to show you something different each day).

    With all that said, I don’t go around pointing my finger and turning my nose up at parents. Yes I know children can be unruly at times and they are unpredictable. I happen to be the type of person people come to for advice, regardless of what situation it is. When it comes to people’s children I try to listen a lot more than actually giving advice. Because I’ve heard so many things from different parents who have come from different walks of life, most of the time, I’m passing along the advice of someone else that happens to be a great parent (a lot of the time advice from my own parents).

    Not all childless people know what they’re talking about when it comes to raising a child … then again … we’ve all known people WITH children that we can honestly say don’t deserve the honor of being a parent.

    Don’t count us all out ❤

    • I indeustand but it’s more about unsolicited advice that I’m referring to because it happens. The advice I was given by my ex’s siblings was unsolicited, it’s that type that makes me mad

  3. hmmmm, where do I start……. LMAO… first off, you have multiple children yet failed to mention how each one needed a different method for raising them up successfully, you have family/friends who have children but didnt mention they needed even different ways to get the same results from their children…….. simplistically put, no two children respond the same to the same technique so many different methods are needed.
    unless a person is well versed in the psychology of child rearing and actually understands the professionals in the field and can apply it to life, those who give unsolicited advice are doing so on partial information and anyone who gives definitive advice on partial information is ignorant at best and not someone anyone should ever listen to. that is, unless they tell you exactly what you want to hear, than of course you are just as big of an idiot and dont deserve your child/children in the first place.
    before I blow a gasket on all the morons out there trying to tell people how to raise a child when they can barely brush their own teeth…… im out

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