The Representative: What you need to know to “bust” them   8 comments

Webster’s defines a representative as “a person chosen or appointed to act or speak for another or others in particular.  The Urban Dictionary defines a representative as “the type of person you become to impress the opposite sex.”  We are all familiar with the Urban Dictionary’s definition of a representative because at some point we have all had one show up on a date or at a party to try and impress someone that we think we might be into.  Herein lies the problem, how do you know the person you are meeting isn’t their representative?  Hmm, something to ponder isn’t it?  Rep on Rep who will win? 

 I see people saying all the time to “keep it 100” or “real talk”, but are they really being real?  I can’t say with 100% assurity because people can be who they choose to be while sitting behind a computer screen.  The world-wide-web has allowed people to slip into personas and be the person they always may have wished they were and then some.  Spinning a complex web of lies to make people believe that is who they really are.  I have actually experienced this on the internet, especially on Facebook, several times and have been completely astounded at how people do something like that and then when you pop their bubble they run tail only to pop up again and again like a bad rash only changing their “name” but not their game (I’m sure some of you reading this are nodding your head in agreement because you know of whom I speak).  People can also be who they choose to be sitting right in front of your face.  I know some people who lie so often they not only believe their own garbage they truly expect you to believe it as well even though you’re sitting there looking at their lips move, you’re completely astounded at how easily they lie about themselves and everything else.

 I’ve heard song lyrics that claim they didn’t realize that the person was crazy when they first met them, heck I’ve heard real people say “s/he is crazy as hell and I had no idea”. 

Nothing left to say –Mint Condition: Girl you gave me a lot of attention, somehow the feeling turned into crazy possessive.  It was always there, but I didn’t look deeper.  If I had I would’ve seen the limits.

Well, I say this, crazy can’t hold out but so long.  The longer you are with a person the more the real them starts to come through so you have to pay attention in the beginning.  Paying attention to a person and what they say and how they act is the best way to go when encountering someone new.  I will admit I have a lot of “mouth” around friends and people who know me but I will clam up tighter than Ft. Knox on lockdown when I encounter someone new.  I’m not being fake I’m listening and hanging on your every word.  While I love to talk, I’m also quiet in certain situations because sometimes being quiet and listening (and watching) is the best way to gather information on a person or a bunch of people.  I think I may even frighten some people with my ability to do that on a regular basis and then when encountering the person again I am able to recall information about them that they weren’t even aware that they had let slip. 

My college professor, who still calls me Junior, will tell you that I will go into a crowded room, head straight to the back in the corner (best place to watch the goings on and listen) and sit down if I don’t know a single soul in the place.  I am always aware of my surroundings and my guard is always up.  Once I have done my quiet observation, I have scoped out every person in the vicinity and already picked out who I will approach to strike up a conversation with and who I will avoid.  This is why meeting someone in a well lit, quiet place is ideal because you can see and hear them. 

The one thing I’ve learned is that the only way to combat representatives is to have yourself together so you can listen and watch the person you are out with.  If you have some type of underlying issue that prevents you from really hearing what the person sitting in front of you has to say then you aren’t going to hear or see the “crazy”.  It’s like breaking the knob off of your personal BS meter (we all have one of these) in the “off” position and it only filters in all the crap you want to hear and nothing that you need to hear and the stuff you should be paying attention to.  I should know my knob was broken off when I met my DEH.  Everything he showed me before we got married is everything that I now know I should have been paying attention to before we got married and I wouldn’t have gone through all the stuff I did with him.  He was my lesson.  In other words, that’s what I get for not having myself together and listening and paying attention to all that he showed me before our nuptials.  I know had I been paying attention I would have run far, far away.  Or as I like to tell my mom “run bitch, run”.  This is why I can’t be but so mad at him because he actually showed me who he was from the very beginning.  I just wasn’t paying attention.  My bad.  His fault. 

Now that I got me together and am firm in what it is that I want and don’t want I’m good.  This is why so many guys who are “brave” enough to approach get turned down.  All I do is let them talk.  They think I’m being quiet, which I am to a certain extent, but when I tell them I am hanging on their every word, I am.  I am listening to everything they say because if it sounds like bullshit, it usually is bullshit.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go in thinking that everyone is full of it because everyone is different.  I let you do the talking and I’ll do all the listening.  Ask me a question, you’ll get an answer.  Want to know the basics, I can give you that too, but what I really want to know is all about you.  I take things at face value because at some point, it’s going to be revisited by you anyway so I’m saving what you say initially to “compare” notes on what you’ve given me. 

Then I watch.

If your actions don’t match your words then you’re full of it.  There should be no reason why what you say to me isn’t matching with what you are doing.  Words are just words but actions speak volumes.  Tell me you love me?  That’s great.  Show me.  Say you want to spend time with me?  Sure!  Show me.  Say you will make the time for me?  Awesome!  Show me.  For everything you say you’re going to do, pretend I’m from Missouri and show me. Simple enough right?  You would think so but it isn’t because the representative is telling you everything they think you want to hear but aren’t willing to show you that it’s true.  I laugh and shake my head at this one guy who keeps on trying but what he says and what he does are so far from each other that the polar ice caps are closer to one another than what he says and what he does.  He has “loser” written all over him and no matter what I say to him, and I’m always brutally honest, he just doesn’t get that his game doesn’t work on me.  The messed up thing is that when I tell him, he agrees with what I’m saying, disappears for a few days (sometimes a week) then pops up like whack-a-mole to try again.  It’s like he has somehow forgotten what I said to him and maybe even hoping that I have forgotten too.  Not a chance.  Did he just disappear to regroup and try a different angle?  Get some notes from friends?  What?  It really doesn’t matter because he can’t change who he is and since I’ve busted his representative, he keeps looking for new ones to approach me with and I’ll keep busting them too. 

So while everyone is walking around saying they are keeping it 100 are they really keeping it 100 because I’ve seen and heard it all and I’m no longer surprised by the things I’m hearing.  I simply laugh and keep on moving.  No sense in me wasting my time listening to the crap being spewed my way. 

I am always 100 and I don’t do any type of talking other than real talk because it makes it easier to go back and say “I told you this about me in the first place.  Oh you thought I was kidding?  Your bad.”

 

Double E

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Posted February 1, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships, Things I see

8 responses to “The Representative: What you need to know to “bust” them

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  1. ha i love it sis…being real is so easy but for some reason or other people make it so hard…………i think that ppl do create these fake ppl on the internet to be something they not…some people not social in real life and wish the were…i hv a sister that is so shy in real life but so social online because you can communicate without physical contact…..for myself im more social offline i like to look at ppl in there face …i use to think i had the ability to read pppl but as i get older i find ppl make it a job being fake…iim as real as they come u either will like me for being who i am or hate me becuz u dont knpw how or why…..but as for fb it has never been serious for me but entertainment …..but between every status that ppl put up there is some truth to it ur feelings rather current or past…..so im ending this with keep it real ppl life to damn short to get to know a stranger to find out the even more of a stranger

  2. I was brought up with the “Guest manners” and “the mask people wear” instead of “representative” but its the same thing. its there for people to see IF they are willing to look at it, accept its part of those people and dont dismiss it as “I can change that in them” like so many try to do.
    as for you sitting in the corner to observe the room….. the one type of person that you dont get a proper read on in that situation is the professional con. they will sit back just like you and let the prey come to them… mostly out of curiosity since they dont look uncomfortable being there and yet they sit alone watching.
    a few things to consider Liz….. not all guys are smooth when it comes to talking to women. many feel they arnt worth the beauty they see in the woman they approach. an uneven encounter makes things awkward. they feel the need to make themselves “bigger” or “better” simply because the real self as they see it is insignificant. even if they are handsome they may not see themselves as more than average. while they may have many real characteristics that would attract you to them if presented properly, they dont know how to do that and it takes more than a first impression to to get those qualities across.
    I brought that up because your statement of “actions don’t match your words then you’re full of it” isnt always true, it all depends on how they see themselves. I believe you already know this but it was overlooked in the way it was written above and I dont want others to be mislead.

    • Not really misleading it’s just saying be yourself at all times. Everyone had awkward feelings about themselves but puffery is not the way to go because it’s all a lie. I would rather have the REAL and will respect you more for it than the fake and find out I’ve wasted my time. That’s just me.

      • it is true that puffery isnt the way to go, but total honesty lays one bare in front of a stranger. but let me ask you this….. if you see someone that you would love to approach, are you completely honest and lay yourself bare to them as a first impression or do you hold back some what to test the water.
        when they approach with “puffery” did you ever think that they may feel inadequate and think they are reaching just talking to you? its not till they feel more comfortable interacting with you that they would show the real self that they feel isnt enough to get your attention?
        also, “puffery is not the way to go because it’s all a lie.” isnt the complete truth either, most “puffery” is based off of a portion of themselves even if its only what they hope to aspire to. there are so many levels to this situation its mind boggling. as you know, one of my personal interests is interpersonal interactions, another is psychology. the two together may cause me to over think some aspects but it also can cause insights others may not notice.
        i see insecurity and view of self worth (causes not going into here) as major players in the interactions you bring up.

      • infact, your position of sitting back and surveying the room waiting for people to approach you as most commonly happens is a mask in itself. its true that it is a self preservation tactic to weed out the undesirables as you see them, but it also sets you up as elite and makes approaching you harder for men. your quietness and “hanging on their every word” puts pressure on them to impress or fail. so in essence, your approach to meeting people encourages the “puffery” you so detest.

      • Lol, I know that out makes it harder but it’s not like I just throw all of my life out there for the world to see. A.simple hello usually works as opposed to the other stuff I hear. What I’m saying is that just be yourself. General conversation is a good start. I’m not saying get naked because I don’t. Marked intelligence can be had in the simplest conversations. Once you get part that part other conversations may and can happen.

      • Sorry for all the misspellings

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