Who belongs in your relationship?   2 comments

Now here’s a question that has been asked since the beginning of relationships.  I’ve been a party to several discussions in several groups and sitting around talking to my friends about this very thing.  The consensus is that the only people who belong in a relationship are you and the person you are with.  Not your mom, your dad, your sister, your best girlfriend or your best guy friend. 

Ever wonder why guys in relationships don’t really care for your single girlfriends?  Well truth be told, it’s because a lot of them are bitter and we all know people who suffer from BBS are like poison to any relationship.  The reason is because while they say they are “happy for you” what they feel deep down is that they are miserable and they want you to be miserable with them.  “Misery loves company” isn’t just a saying, it’s the truth. 

Ladies, let me give you a bit of unsolicited advice, don’t tell your girlfriends how good your guy is and definitely don’t tell them when you guys are having problems.  First of all it’s none of their business how well or how badly you are doing in your relationship.  That is something that you should only be discussing with your partner, a priest or a therapist; but especially with your partner.  If you’re not happy about things that are going on in the relationship you should be talking to the person and telling them how you feel about it.  Not your girlfriends.  Venting to them isn’t a good idea either.  Trust me they are storing the information for later use. 

Being a female, I know how females operate.  Curiosity about how your man really is will kill them every time because if he is as good as you say he is they may want to test the waters and see what it is you’re talking about.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this about all women because all women aren’t like that but there are quite a few of them out there that are and those are the ones you need to be careful with.  So when I see another female pushing up on my boyfriend or when I was married my husband, I had a problem with it, big time problem.  If you two weren’t best friends before you met me then the odds that you and she being best friends after the fact isn’t going to happen without some problems from me.  I’m just putting it out there.

Women who suffer from BBS will tell you “girl, he ain’t no good for you”, “girl, you should leave him” and every other negative thing they can think of, but the one thing they never say to you is “have you talked to him about this?”  Yeah, a real friend will ask you this question and even tell you that you need to talk to him and whatever you do, don’t walk in one day and announce “we need to talk.”  Those four words send shivers down a man’s spine like no other four words in the English language when used together.  If you’ve ever said this to your man, stop.  If you have and you’ve ever paid attention to his reaction it’s instant.  His eyes sort of glaze over as if he is about to pass out and I’m pretty sure he’s screaming inside his head. It pretty much freaks them out. 

Approaching them and wanting to talk shouldn’t be a painful experience for them or you.  Pick a time where both of you are together and you’re just sitting around and just start talking to him.  Sure this sounds like a surprise attack but it isn’t.  This approach is more humane than the “we need to talk.”  Whatever you do, don’t pick the time where he’s watching football, baseball, boxing, ESPN Sports Center, or playing the x-box, or any other distracting activity because it annoys them.  Now I know the television stays on ESPN but if he’s in the middle of watching that same loop he watched 30 minutes ago, I’m sure he didn’t miss anything and you can talk to him then.  Just don’t interrupt any of his “man cave/guy time” because you wouldn’t want him interrupting you girl time would you?

One thing I would like to mention, real girlfriends have this unspoken rule that they don’t date their other girlfriends’ exes.  I’m not sure where this rule came from or where it started but I remember in high school we didn’t date our girls’ left over guy.  I admit I did it once, but it was out of pure spite and I did like the guy but we didn’t work out.  Guys, on the other hand, don’t have this rule about dating their boys’ ex-girlfriend.  No questions asked.  This has always fascinated me how the “rules” are different for guys than they are for the females.   

Fellas, oh you thought I forgot about you?  Never!  Your guy friends are the same way.  Now I’m not completely sure about what it is that guys sit around and talk about but I am relatively sure it’s not all about sports.  Sure you might be watching the game or something but you’re not sitting around talking about it either.  Same rules apply to you too don’t talk to your fellas about your girl.  Just like a female, some guys will attempt to test the water to see how committed she is to you.

Other people who don’t belong in your relationship are relatives.  Their gender doesn’t matter but for some reason Mother-in-laws seem to have gotten a bad rap somewhere along the way.  I have to tell you my ex M-I-L was and is still cool.  She never injected herself into my marriage to her son.  Some of his siblings, on the other hand, were always ready with the advice that I didn’t ask for and damn sure didn’t need; but the funny part about it all is that when they should have been talking, no one had anything to say.  Oh irony! 

So the lesson here is the only people that belong in your relationship is you and the person you’re with.  If you have to talk to someone that isn’t your significant other because you need to figure out some things, talk to God.  He’s listening and He will tell you exactly what you need to hear; then when you figure it out, talk to your partner and no one else. 

Keep other folks out your business.  Believe me you’ll be happier that you did.

 

Double E

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Posted February 8, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

2 responses to “Who belongs in your relationship?

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  1. I love the advice, its very good but IF people listened to the third what would happen to all the idle gossip that keeps all the old ladies enthralled? second off there wouldnt be anyone to ask if things dont go right, third off… and on a bit more of a serious note, if no one talked about things that went well or didnt go well, than how are people to know if they do have a good mate or not? how do they know what they have isnt normal and their expectations are too shallow, greedy or just plain outrageous. what is there to be compared to?
    so while it is good advice to keep your good and your bad away from those who may covet your significant other, without the examples of truth, not just the mask every abused person hides behind, how are people to know what to aspire to and not only who but what to avoid?

    • That depends on the individual person. No one can tell you what you like but you. You should know what you want and if you don’t then no one else can tell you what it is. everything starts and end with the individual.

      As for gossip, guys do out just as much as, if not more than the ladies do. I don’t claim to not listen to it, I just don’t repeat it. Lol

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