Child Support: What she does with the money is not your concern or is it?   13 comments

Ok gentlemen, this one is for those of you who pay child support regularly and feel that you should know exactly how the custodial parent spends the money or believe that the money should go directly to the child without the custodial parent touching it at all, as if it is some sort of trust fund for when they reach a certain age or something.  I have male friends who gripe about this all the time and I’ve seen men gripe about this online when this very subject is broached.  As the custodial parent of two minor children still in high school, I’m here to tell you that unless you actually have physical custody of the child(ren) then what she does with the money is none of your business unless the kids are walking around looking raggedy and unkempt, they aren’t being fed and their living conditions are horrendous (in other words, they are homeless); then and only then should you have a serious problem with how the money is spent. 

Using myself as an example, as I only know how, I get child support from my DEH for our two kids.  In the beginning he balked at even having to pay because he also had to pay me (spousal support) and that was the rub.  His argument was that I would only use the money to pay “my bills.”  Ok, let me just toss this out there for the record, I love my children dearly and wouldn’t trade either one of them for the world and killing someone about them goes without saying (even though I just said I would), but a child is a bill and the older they get the more expensive they become.  So if you aren’t a witness to this on a daily basis then you have no clue exactly how much they cost.  I can say he had a taste of it when they were babies but he has no clue exactly how much they cost now that they are older.  Even my daughter said she felt bad because she felt like she had come home every day for a solid week asking for money (this is when I first lost my job) and it’s because she did. 

Let me explain how the money is spent:  That car I drive to work every day?  That car is also a taxi to get the kids to the doctor, dentist, to the school when necessary and to every other extra-curricular activity that they partake in and back home.  So if it breaks down and I use the child support money to get it fixed, guess what?  That was for the benefit of the children and not just me because I drive it.  That roof over their head in the form of a house or an apartment, yes that one; rent/mortgage is due on that every month along with insurance (renters) and if something breaks down in the house, yes, it must be fixed.  If I use the money to get it fixed, it’s for the benefit of the children.  That credit card I used because I didn’t have any cash at the time to get the $500 plus in school supplies that they needed at the beginning of school and the $500 I spent on school clothes and shoes per kid, if I use the money to pay that credit card off, it was for the benefit of the children.  Those shoes they needed in the middle of the year because the ones you bought at the beginning of the year are all but gone, yes that is for the benefit of the child.  Those groceries that they eat daily  (and if you have a son like mine he can put away a lot of food in one single sitting and still claim to be hungry) those don’t just fall out of the sky into the cabinets and the fridge and freezer; yes, that’s what the money goes towards. Because you all don’t see how the money is spent or how it benefits the child you automatically assume she is doing something other than what she is supposed to be doing with the money. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are some trifling ass women out there who don’t use the money for its intended purpose and their kids are walking around looking homeless.  Those are the ones that even I have issue with as a parent.  She’s not working but she gets her hair and nails done every week, she goes shopping for her every day; yes, those are the ones that give the ones like me a bad name.  I’m not that woman.  I actually detest shopping and mall is a four-letter curse word to me.  But just like you gentlemen don’t like being lumped in with all the other less than desirable men, don’t lump all of us ladies who are doing the right thing with the child support in with the ones who aren’t doing the right thing. 

Having said all of this, if you feel that she isn’t using the child support in the way that is beneficial to the children (and you can’t just go in half cocked because you’re mad) you have to have proof of it.  If every single time you get your kids and they look like they are homeless and unkempt and they claim to not have eaten or there’s no food in the house, do some investigating first.  I say investigate because my kids claim there is no food in the house and that’s a lie, there’s plenty they just don’t want to cook it because I don’t buy processed food bits for them to throw in the microwave. 

If you feel that you have sufficient proof of things then take her back to court for custody of the child(ren) and have your ducks in a row.  Make her prove that she is doing what she is supposed to do with the money.  If used properly, the courts are your friends, but you can’t just sit around and complain about it and do nothing about it because it’s your children(ren) who suffer the most when things aren’t being done right by them and you can’t make her life hell by not paying the support because you “don’t like what she does with the money.”  Again, it’s not your business if your kids are taken care of properly.

Now on the flip side, just because she isn’t buying the latest fashion for your kids or the most expensive shoes (those $200+ Jordan’s are not necessary) then don’t bother.   This isn’t a fashion show and necessity is the name of the game.  They don’t need an X-box, Play Station, Jordan’s, or any other name brands you can think of because as my grandmother used to say “if you want someone’s name plastered across your ass, I can sew your name on your pants and you can have at it.”  It should be noted that my actual first name is or was at one point famous in the fashion industry and I believe that is why my grandmother said that.  *ha ha ha*

But here’s the best advice of all, if you don’t want to take care of your kids then stop getting women pregnant.  Spreading your seed and not taking care of your seed isn’t cute and only perpetuates the cycle of single mothers struggling to raise children on their own with or without your help.  While she bears responsibility in this too, you all should take extra steps to make sure you are covered because like I said, there are some trifling women out here who will take advantage of a man with money so it’s to protect you if nothing else.


Double E



13 responses to “Child Support: What she does with the money is not your concern or is it?

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  1. disclaimer… I have a LOT of bad feelings on this subject. so if you are one of the few good mothers who actually do put their children first and havnt been a complete and total bitch to your ex, the ones who do actually try to get along with your ex simply for the childrens sake, than simply read the views from the other side and remember, its not you, its those lazy good for nothing, dirty pool playing gutter whores who lied to the courts and made most of us men as dejected as I am.
    you already know I disagree with your first paragraph. while you may put your children first, not all do. also, child support is supposed to ASSIST in the raising of the CHILD, not support her lazy ass because she fooled the courts into giving her the children. just remember, every situation differs and as it is currently put forth, states control the child support conditions, not the fed govt. and with that, states place little to no accountability on the mothers spending. if they did, than the amount of child support used for each and every bill would be restricted to no more than half of that bill and erroneous expenditures that do not cover BASE BILLS that SUPPORT the CHILD would be restricted!
    now before you go all enraged and exacerbated on what I said, this would also mean that those deadbeats that drop to a minimum wage job to have their child support payments down into the $2-400 screwing over their children…. to hell with the bitch who lied to get them…. it would mean (with a family of 5 I lived off of less than that on school, food and transportation costs. ) that if your rent is 900, electric/natural gas is an average of 150, school clothing budget is 50/mo, transportation costs of 200 a month for fuel and repairs than include a food bill budget of lets just say 200/mo. that total cost there is around $1500 and he should be paying half, NO MATTER his situation, thats $750. HE played his part in making the child, HE needs to come up with his half of support, not $250 because its convenient. IF you cant come up with your half, YOU shouldnt have the children, HE should!
    like it or lump it. since to many BITCHES have the attitude that men are penises with wallets and are to be treated as such, it ruins it for those of you who are good women, who did get stuck with an asshole and left him because he chose to stray or was abusive or what have you. if th estate is gong to interfere and dictate child support payments, THE STATE needs to step in and make sure the payment is going for the children. he is only responsible for half of what it takes to financially support the children, not supporting her lazy ass to go out partying and spending the money that was supposed to be used on the children. have a joint bank account that they BOTH have to deposit half of the bills into, have the monthly bills subject to review and if she cant support her own self and the kids, with half the base bills payed, than she shouldnt have them.
    on your thinking of you should have free reign to spend it as you see fit, BULL SHIT!!!!!!! if your car breaks down, its because you didnt have the foresight to prepare for that situation. regular maintenance, your driving habits are non congruent to vehicle care or an extreme part wore out. the extreme part wouldnt wear out if the vehicle was in good repair…ie regular maintenance…, not my fault… wouldnt break down if you wernt recklessly driving…not my fault… if my car breaks down, I still have to pay for my own repairs, my own fuel to come see them, are you going to give me money to repair my vehicle? i thought not. so repair it with your own money and leave the childs care money ALONE!!!!!!!
    In Minnesota, men have no rights to intercede once the courts have sided. men have no rights if she puts forth a restraining order in the divorce because she playes the victim, men have no rights to how the bitch spends the money intended for the children.

    at the end you make a small little notation about some trifling women…. as if people like you and my current wife are in the majority….. im sorry to bust your bubble Liz, but some is the wrong word…. with the trifling, the haters and out right BITCHES out there, you are in the minority, not the majority.

    • Ouch! Thanks for the disclaimer in the front or else I would’ve been pissed.

      Having said that, I agree there are some REALLY trifling ass women out there that go through these extremes that give us all bad names as I said and like you, I hate women like that because it defies logic to me that vengeance becomes more important than the well being of her child. This is why I balk at the picture my DEH has tried to paint me to people and ther only ones he has managed to convince are the ones that don’t really know me.
      I can’t apologize enough to you all to all the other men that this has happened to because it’s not fair to you to have your name drug through the mud and have your children suffer as a result. Karna will be your warrior in the end and if you are lucky, God will let you watch.

  2. I wouldn’t say the majority are trifling. I think most women truly want to do for their children and naturally put them first. I know I do. But I gotta share this with you since we on the subject….

    So TOWSBKAA (The One Who Shall Be Known As A$$hole) never paid me a dime. I paid for every thing and I had the kid! He has the IQ of snail slug. At around 8, I let my child stay with him for a while (a lengthy visit). Kid had a dental issue. I paid the insurance and he wouldn’t take him. Transportation issues he claimed. I called the local cab company and put my credit card on file so that could not be an excuse anymore. Needless to say, he still never took him with me going out of my way to foot that bill. Kid comes back to me then needing 2 root canals cause he let it get that bad. Everything was on my dime. But by the time the kid got back home, rough times hit and I lost my insurance. I had to fork over 2 grand for roots canals out of pocket. He kept promising to pay a portion and didn’t. It was then he dared me to take him to court for child support and I did. I got a grand total of a whole whopping frick $112 a mo. on the months he actually worked! Woooohoooooo! Well if he worked and if they found him.

    Eventually he was in an accident and got a settlement. In his state, they can garnish a settlement even if you aren’t behind in order to pay for future support. I offered him a settlement. I told him, if he wanted to give it to me directly in a lump sum, I’d drop the suit, put it in a college fund and he could actually give me less than they’d take. You know that fool said no, he didn’t want me to have my hands on HIS money!

    He has never done squat for our son. EVER! My son asked him for a pool since we live in the South and I had purchased a new home. A pool would have cost 3 grand approx. A measly 3 grand out of a couple hundred thousand settlement for a man who’d never paid his support ever nor did squat for his boy, not even birthday cards or phone calls. HE TOLD HIM NO CAUSE I MAY SWIM IN IT! He said he’d have bought it if it were just for him but because I or my other children would get the benefit of it, the answer was no.

    So yeah, we got some trifling men out there too!

  3. And I realize I have it good. Im not struggling but that doesn’t lessen my complaint. I can’t help it that I pulled us up by our bootstraps out of a life of crap while he remained.

  4. Girl STFU…really?! Sounds a bit like my DEH. He was like that in the beginning because he was salty about having to pay spousal support, which I use for the kids anyway. The fact that he made them suffer right along with me didn’t matter to him not one iota. Even our daughter, the apple of his eye, told him that and he didn’t give a damn. That’s how mad he was at me and I didn’t even DO anything (well except for ask for part of his retirement after 16 yrs. of marriage and the minimum in spousal support because he was a douche bag…keep in mind that had I not asked for the spousal he would have still paid me the same amount because that was how much less he had to pay in CS). He wouldn’t even give me the money to get my car fixed while we were STILL married. Wanting to know what was in it for him and because I refused to answer the question he refused me the money. So trust me I know men do the same shit.

  5. Oh and don’t even let me start with letting his new girlfriend share or split any money or clothing I bought for my son while he stayed with him. I let him stay for one partially school year in 4th grade to participate in a program he wanted to be a part of there. I ended up having to fly up there for visits, clothes shopping both beginning of school and winter, and to take care of anything needing taken care of. Hell I even had to fly up a couple times to take him to be seen for medical stuff. I had to take him to the doctor once for strep throat. Really?

  6. Oy! Excuse my grammar.

  7. WOW…that is bad. He is one of a kind. I will say that when I had to take DEH back to court for the CS he brought his new wife with him and I had an issue with that because it wasn’t her business. Her income isn’t included in what he has to pay me now if she WANTS to she can but I didn’t think she had the right to be there I don’t give a damn if she is his wife.

  8. What’s crazy is the men really have no clue as to how mush it cost to raise children I agree with u 100 percent it sad their really r some trif ass niggas and bitches out there so if u r upset bout the convo if the shoe fits then wear and u r paying ur child support and all….

    • Part of the problem is because a lot of men don’t know their rights and believe that the courts are only for the mothers. I’m going to discuss this tomorrow in my blog.

  9. Dnt knw why I’m. In this converstion husband. Ain’t worked in two years and I fit every thing we do and no I dnt even get child support i hold it all down, so my baby ain’t knw damn paycheck why waste time with the courts I lose money everytime I have to miss a day of work for court days that he dnt show up for further I dnt want them in my bussines ima take care my son anyway if u need help then of course u going to push the issue but a lot of women r bitter expecting to much from man that when they call it getting even ijs…

    • I understand that and to each their own but I didn’t make the kids by myself so I shouldn’t have to raise them by myself with no financisl help. It’s the women who do the fucked up stuff that give women like me bad names because we all get lumped in the same category and it’s not fair. That’s why I said if she isn’t taking care of your kid be concerned, if she us then don’t worry about how the money is spent.

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