Walking away: It’s not as easy as you would think but real friends make it easier   1 comment

I have some very interesting friends and former high school classmates.  They say the darnedest things on Facebook® and they are more often than not the truth.  Very much like what I would say to one of my friends when they come to me seeking it.  Today is a good example of something profound that one of them said on her status message. 

As we all know, Whitney Houston passed away this weekend in a scene that could only be described as tragic.  We all know that at one point in her life she was strung out on drugs and had gotten herself cleaned up and was attempting to make a comeback into music.   While we don’t know what she died from (people are guessing and assuming it was a drug overdose when there was absolutely no evidence of it) it is still a great loss in the music industry.   Early on, Ms. Houston had made a comment about her ex husband, Bobby Brown, being her drug.  This apparently got my former classmate to thinking about it and she said, in a nutshell, anything or anyone that is bad for you or keeping you from your walk with God that you need to “kick the habit.” 

Well this got me to thinking about what my bad habits are and/or were.  I readily admit that like Ms. Houston, my DEH used to be my “drug.”  I say this because when we parted company, my world had revolved around him and our children.  While my world still somewhat revolves around my two younger children, it no longer does with my DEH or anyone else for that matter. 

I have to admit that when I was going through my separation and divorce it was difficult for me to let go.  I had spent the better part of my life with one person and walking away, or giving up, was not in my DNA.  I almost felt like I was going through withdrawal like a person addicted to crack or heroine.  The pain may not have been as severe as what one who is actually on those drugs goes through but for me it was very real and it hurt like hell. 

When do you realize that it is time to walk away from that?  I can honestly say for me I walked away or “kicked the habit” when I got that phone call from my DEH’s then girlfriend.  But what was going on with me that prevented me from kicking that habit that was my DEH for so long?  I knew that he was toxic for me but I didn’t want to admit it. 

He showed all the classic symptoms of being a sociopath.  No, not that sociopath, but the other one where they just don’t give a shit about anything but themselves.  He also displayed all the classic signs of having suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and he had never been in a combat situation but keep in mind that one does not necessarily have to experience combat for this to happen.  That’s why it’s called “post traumatic” because any traumatic situation can happen that would cause you to be that way.  I really thought something was wrong with him mentally but then I realized it wasn’t him; it was me. 

He was my drug and I needed to kick that habit in a hurry. 

My biggest fear was being angry and bitter for the rest of my life.  Most would think that the way I acted it would have been being alone but it wasn’t.  I had been alone for years before I was “alone” so being alone didn’t bother me it actually excited me a little because I had never been on my own before.  I had gone from living with my mother to living with him to being married to him.  As my mother pointed out, I had always had someone there to take care of me.  As a side note, I’m not really sure he took care of me because I did it all so I took care of myself and him because he was there. 

Then when I took a really good look around I realized that I had been in this place for several years and I had no real friends.  The only real friend I had moved away and had gone back to Texas.  Other than that all I had was associates and acquaintances.  It’s funny because before she left I had told her that she was the only “anchor” that I had to people we used to work with and that when she left, no one would be calling me to go hang out.  She said that it wasn’t true well, imagine her surprise when I told her that no one called me and no one asked me to go out with them since she left.  I knew it was going to happen but that was ok with me because I was always the quiet one of the group and didn’t do all the gossiping and bullshit that a lot of women do when they get together.  Besides, I was still going through my separation and divorce when she left and I’m pretty sure had they called me to go out with them they would all only want to know what was going on and then I would turn into the office gossip when they went back to work.  Thanks but no thanks.  The saying if they talk about others to you they are talking about you to others is so true.

So I set out to make new friends.  Not as easy as one would think but I made it happen and now I have friends, real friends.  With these friends, they made it easy for me to kick my habit of my DEH and walk away from him. They took my mind off of him and my situation if only for a little while when we hung out together.  They have also made it easier to forget him and all the toxicity that was him.  He was no good for me and deep down I knew he wasn’t even though I held on to him for dear life, it was through Him and my friends here on earth, that I was able to finally let him go.

So to all my real friends (and I know you know who you are), thank you for being in my life.  Thanks for being there for me, giving me the shoulder to cry on the ear to listen and the arms (be they virtual or real) that gave me a hug when that was all I needed.  My mother and my best friend, who know aren’t reading this, thank you two as well.  Without all of you I wouldn’t have been able to walk away.  You all made it easier.  And for You, thank you for that little voice in my head and my heart that I know is You telling me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear and when I wasn’t being still and listening, thanks for sending your angels to tell me what I refused to hear. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you find it difficult to walk away from but you know that you should, be still and listen.  Your friends, your real friends are talking to you too.  Walking away is easier with them than without.


Double E


Posted February 13, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

One response to “Walking away: It’s not as easy as you would think but real friends make it easier

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  1. True and well said.

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