You’re kidding me right? How would you handle this one?   4 comments

So Valentine’s Day was a few days ago big freaking whoop.  No, I’m not bitter because I’m single.  I’m actually mad about the whole day because it’s one big robbery courtesy of Hallmark ®, Whitman’s Chocolates ® and FTD ®.  As one friend put it, women are holding men at gun point telling them they better get something for this day or else.  I even saw someone on my newsfeed on Facebook ® say that if she didn’t get flowers delivered to her job she was going to be mad!  Really???!!  It just isn’t that damn serious ladies and if you feel that you need to be validated by this highly overrated day then do you, by all means.  Valentine’s Day is not what I want to talk about though.  I already did that in my blog “What about the other 364 days.” 

Today what I want to talk about is how you would handle someone from your past coming back to you to tell you “they fucked up” and they want to make it up to you.  Let me give the scenario.  You really like this guy and you let him know that you do.  While he acknowledges how you feel he tells you straight up that he isn’t interested in a relationship because he has had his heart broken before by someone and he doesn’t want to be hurt again.  What he doesn’t tell you is that he is actually in love with someone else but denies ever having been in a relationship with this person.

Fast forward several months that the two of you have been hanging out off and on.  Going to the movies, going out to dinner, watching movies at his apartment, etc., but you feel as if you are doing too much and not getting anything really in return, but he says that you are good and that he is okay with how things are; so you just stay in the friend zone, nothing serious, just friends.  So fast forward to him moving to another state because of his job and barely keeping in touch with and when he comes back into town he shows zero to very little interest in hanging out with you.  This is when you find out all the stuff he had been saying about the other woman was a complete fabrication of the truth and she forwards to you emails that he has sent to her professing his undying love for her.  Cool.  You back off and leave it alone even though you’re pissed off because yet another knee-grow has lied to you when all you asked for was the truth. This also explains, among other things, why you didn’t see him the last time he was in town.

So he goes back from wince he came and you talk off and on and you are ok with that.  Your birthday comes and you get a phone call, from him.  You think it’s odd but you go with it because heck, he’s the only person outside your family that has called you to wish you a happy birthday anyway.  You talk for hours about absolutely nothing because you’re friends but the one question that he asked that some men like to do is “what’s going on with you?” 

Now I was suspicious of this question from jump because experience has taught me that when a man asks that question what he really wants to know is if you’re seeing anyone but instead of simply asking that question he feels the need to talk in some sort of “code” language, but I get it and I go along with it simply saying there isn’t anything going on with me because it wasn’t and it still isn’t. 

A few months go by and you don’t hear from him any more until you get a few emails from him asking how things are going and that infamous “what’s going on with you?” and idle chit chat.  He sends a few pictures of himself at work and that’s cool.  He has a pretty cool job even if someone called it being a “parking lot attendant” (inside joke and if you’re reading this you know you said it).  Then from out of left field he tells you that he “made a mistake” in picking the other girl over you because she was all about drama and wanting to be the center of attention (not that he already didn’t know this but whatever) which is why she is the way she is.  You knew that because you know her.  Bag lady doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

Now this new revelation catches you completely off guard because you had no idea that he was even contemplating going there with you but he assures you that it isn’t a joke on his part.  Every question you throw at him, he has a response for.

Now my first instinct regardless of what he says is “paha!!!  He’s full of more shit than the combined assholes in Congress.”  I’m still feeling that way because after two plus years you can’t just suddenly feel like you made a mistake when you haven’t shown any signs that you were even interested. 

Now readers, what do you think?  I have asked some of my closer friends and it’s funny that one guy says “give him a chance because guys make stupid mistakes” and other guys (I have a lot of guy friends that are all plutonic) say “hell no, keep it moving!”  The ladies all say the same thing I do.  So I’m asking others what do you think, should he be given a chance or told to talk a long walk off a short pier?

Double E

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Posted February 16, 2012 by doublee42 in Relationships

4 responses to “You’re kidding me right? How would you handle this one?

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  1. Really Liz? you must be too close to the situation to see if for what it is, I thought you woulda known the answer to this but here we go…………. first off, no one can tell you what to do with your heart but you, you wouldnt really listen anyhow if they did, would be too foreign. second off, its the same game many many women play when they figure out that dating isnt just a sport and are looking to settle down and are trying to pick between which of the guys they are close to.
    it is simplicity in itself. at the point when he decided to settle down and give up his games he was close to you and the other woman. more than likely the other woman showed a little more looseness in the sexual department than he knew you for and a higher libido inhibited cognitive thought. being as such, he chose the more/freakier what ever sex but as time went on all he ever did was compared her to you on everything else. when the deal breakers came out he left and if he is like most others, looked for someone to fit the new requirements in a partner. not finding what he wanted and romanticizing the past memories of you, after much thought he tries to come to you.
    why didnt he choose you in the first place? she prob portrayed much more personal affection and hence sex. why didnt he contact you before? why did he cut off communication? probably one of 2 reasons….. one, something to do with her knowing she was being compared to you in his head or maybe even verbally and not wanting to cause a fight so he stayed away. or two, after a short while with his choice, he knew he messed up and chose the wrong person and figured that since he thought you were the perfect catch that you must be taken and unavailable so why set yourself up for disappointment on top of constantly kicking yourself for letting the best get away.

    I dont know enough of the entire situation, there would be little nuances that would clarify many many things that if you didnt think to put them in here than you didnt put enough emphasis on those points and you didnt find them relevant. I cant pretend to have all that information so cant give you what i deem the best course of action so I can only give you a little information.
    IF you decide to give him a chance, I will bet that no one will ever treat you as well as he will for the first few months.
    IF you decide to give him a chance, I will bet that you will never find anyone who would treasure your pure company as much as he would.
    IF you decide to give him a chance, I will bet that after the first few months there will be a many fights you wont understand…. why? because you cant hold up to the idealistic image he has of you in his head.
    IF you decide to give him a chance, I will bet that it will come out that there will be hurt feelings that you were his second pick…. not second choice, but second pick.

    IF you dont give him a chance, you will constantly wonder what if……… could he have really been the one……

    choosing yes or no all falls onto you. all depends on where in your life you are and what priorities you place where in your life. but you know this already so I am done here. choose well 🙂

    • Lol…sometimes I could kick you in the shin. You don’t think you have all the answers and you don’t, however you brought up some very interesting points that leads me to ask questions of him…thank you.

    • Andrue you are awesome … I’m hoping one of Liz’s better friends. Couldn’t have said it better myself (really … I couldn’t have).

      I probably wouldn’t tell the guy to jump off a pier but I certainly wouldn’t give him a second chance. Especially when opportunities presented themselves and he cared nothing about me to give me a chance then. Hell, what happened to the first chance?

      This is just my emotional opinion about the situation 🙂

  2. If you have to ask, he ain’t the one! Not to mention, dude’s lied from the jump. He lied as your friend and he lied about his relationship with girlie. Do you need a friend who lies…forget a boyfriend, but a friend who lies? Sorry lying is my deal breaker. If he’s lying and you’re only friends, somehow you think that will stop if you get in a relationship? Nope….it’ll just magnify cause then there’s more stuff to lie about, more stuff on the line. So just kick him to the curb all the way around and be done girl!

    And back to my original point…you gotta ask? He ain’t the one. It’s all about the guy who makes you weak in the knees and you wonder how the heck you ever lived without him.

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