The title seems pretty straight forward doesn’t it? It isn’t though. You see, my mom died unexpectedly almost three years ago.

Since that time I have gone through the stages of grief as any normal person would except I am “stuck.” What I mean by stuck is that while my crying has been significantly less, I feel as though I have not gotten past her death.

I know, grief never really ends, we just learn to live with it. What I mean is that, I’m afraid.

What am I afraid of? Well that’s a simple but complicated answer. The simple answer is, I’m afraid I will be like my mother. This is not necessarily a bad thing because my mother was an awesome woman. She taught me a lot things one of which was that if I can’t figure out how to do it myself then I’ll pay someone to do it. This is why I changed the water pump in my washer and can change the oil in my car in addition to checking the fluids; but then there is the complicated part.

My mother died alone.

When I say alone, I mean with no significant other. I loved her, my siblings loved her, her family loved her but she was alone when she passed away and that bothers me and it hurts to think about it.

I don’t want to be that way but as things stand now, that’s how it’s going to be.

This brings me to the talk I had with my mother yesterday. She told me a lot of things, things that other people that are living have been telling me. She also told me to write because she knows I love writing, but another thing that she told me was about love.

She told me that I shouldn’t give up on it and that someone I already know will come back, once he is ready. I don’t generally give second chances to people. So this should be very interesting.

I miss talking to my mother, but it was a good talk yesterday.

I have work to do.